Untitled

I am trying something new in my work and, at the moment, it is not pretty. I am frustrated and think I will never paint again. I have not struggled like this in a while; it is probably good for my soul.

Instant gratification is the name of my game. In life and art. I started painting with acrylics 45 years ago when my then 1 year old son ran his finger through all the wet oil paintings lined up along the wall of my studio. It turned out they better suit my temperament. All that quick layering and energetegic paint application...perfect! In life, all that should translate into living in the moment, a good thing. Somehow it feels like I've fallen a bit short of that goal.

As I'm writing, I realize my old friend fear is the culprit. Yesterday, I was bemoaning my state to my friend Jeanne. After I finished unloading all the things that were wrong with me and my situation, she quietly told me how much I have grown, how well I am doing, how many changes I have made successfully. That is what friends are for! A reality check. I am doing better than I feel. It is my fear, free-floating or focused, that keeps me in a state of seeming paralysis and subtle self-loathing.

Awareness is the first step to ridding myself of my fears. The next step is meditation & prayer, and the next, action. Enjoy the struggle. Bless the process.
Breathe in the moment. Life is good.

Even if the painting is not. Yet.