Untitled

I am trying something new in my work and, at the moment, it is not pretty. I am frustrated and think I will never paint again. I have not struggled like this in a while; it is probably good for my soul.

Instant gratification is the name of my game. In life and art. I started painting with acrylics 45 years ago when my then 1 year old son ran his finger through all the wet oil paintings lined up along the wall of my studio. It turned out they better suit my temperament. All that quick layering and energetegic paint application...perfect! In life, all that should translate into living in the moment, a good thing. Somehow it feels like I've fallen a bit short of that goal.

As I'm writing, I realize my old friend fear is the culprit. Yesterday, I was bemoaning my state to my friend Jeanne. After I finished unloading all the things that were wrong with me and my situation, she quietly told me how much I have grown, how well I am doing, how many changes I have made successfully. That is what friends are for! A reality check. I am doing better than I feel. It is my fear, free-floating or focused, that keeps me in a state of seeming paralysis and subtle self-loathing.

Awareness is the first step to ridding myself of my fears. The next step is meditation & prayer, and the next, action. Enjoy the struggle. Bless the process.
Breathe in the moment. Life is good.

Even if the painting is not. Yet.

long time coming...

I haven't written in a while. There has been a lot going on. ArtWalk and the Grand Opening of the WAV was last weekend. It was a lot of time and energy by alot of people to make that happen in the way it did. I am proud to have been a part of it.

My daughter left for the Czech Republic last week for 7 months. To follow her dream. Her boyfriend committed suicide last year. She spent the year grieving and healing. I am so proud of her. Catherine has always been an adventurer, so she has set off on a new adventure with some old friends. She is working for a company in Klatovy that puts on skydiving events all over Europe. She is taking chances and going for a big life. It makes me happy!

My son is engaged to a lovely woman who is perfect for him. He is the happiest I have ever seen him. He has become a warm, charming and responsible man. I am so proud of him. He was in a good job with no social life and no future and he changed jobs and met the love of his life at the new job! Another adventurer in the family.

I am struggling to stay afloat in my new life. Everything has changed and continues to change. My job is ending in 2 weeks and the new one doesn't start until June. My finances which are tight anyway will seemingly be stretched tighter. I am in the middle of the ocean, can't see either shore, so need to keep swimming forward and trust that the far shore will appear. And that I have the strength to make it.